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Our beautiful little girl, Gracie died last night at the hospital on an IV drip.
Born in June 1987, she was a month shy of 21.
We got her and her brother Georgie in August of 1987 and none of us were ever separated for more than two weeks at a time.
Gracie had a long illness with kidney failure diagnosed about two years ago.
Our home seems so empty without her.
10 comments:
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss of Gracie.
I hope the two of you will be reunited one day.
RIP Gracie.
I'm so sorry to hear the news. Gracie was very lucky kitty to have you. I know she had a wonderful life with you. May she rest in peace now.
My heart goes out to you and Gracie, along with all prayers for your comfort on earth and reuinion in heaven someday, Mr. Muzika.
I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, and Gracie's battle with kidney failure...
May God Bless you and your babies always.
Your baby was very fortunate indeed to have had you there during the good times and during these past two years that have been so very difficult for her.
I see her picture up here...She was a very beautiful, beautiful kitty....
What a gorgeous picture of Gracie. She's very photogenic.
Still thinking about Gracie this morning...poor Gracie. Lucky little girl.
You must be so sad.
It took me at least three years to begin to heal from the deaths of a couple of feral kitties, and I only had them for a few years....
I can't begin to imagine what it's like to lose a sweet little companion like Gracie after 21 years of life and love together.
What a gift she was to you, and how terribly painful to lose her.
The tears are rolling down my face as I think on this.
I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you each day, Mr. Muzika.
Hi Gracie...Still thinking about you today, and your daddy who loved you sooo very much, and still does....
I'll bet you wish all the kitties in the world could be cared-for as well as you were, and that so many were so lucky to have lived so very long....
Do you miss Georgie up there in heaven, or are you with him now consoling him too? I hope you can lay next to your daddy at night and cuddle up next to him and your little brother too cause it's going to be so very difficult when your daddy has to let him go some day....He's going to need you to protect him and be there to console him even more then...Sweet little Gracie. A model of exemplary love.
21 years; Twenty-One times the Tears...
You are so sweet. Thank you for your concern and thoughts.
It is special beings like Gracie who drive me to protect living things everywhere.
What is highly unusual about Gracie is that in the 21 years we were together, she never hissed at me or scratched me, even once.
Even when I yelled at her for picking on another cat, she just looked at me crossly for a minute or two.
I should have listened to my own intuition and not left her with the vet for an IV drip.
I wanted to take her home to die in peace with us. I knew that was what would happen. I just knew her and her physical state and that she was within 18 hours or so of going into a coma and all suffering would stop.
The vet convinced me there was a chance to prolong her life another month or two. I felt what was the use, she'd just go through it again, weaker and older, but with additional weeks of illness.
However, he prevailed because her "mom," Kerima wanted it.
She died two days later peacefully, in her sleep, but in a strange place and not at home with us.
Not at all, Mr. Muzika.
Little ball of grace is everywhere, visiting everyone now, or so it seems.
You know you can still talk with her...let her know you will always be there and that you will never leave her....
That you will always have a place for her, buried deeply in the fondest place of your heart...
...That she will always have a home to lay her little head...take a little nap in that special place she chose for herself, in that favorite part of her house...
.... because it was always hers to begin with, and will be hers until the end of time.
Gracie is everywhere...even here; Like Grace falling like dew drops from heaven in the early morning, before the sun even stretches out her arms getting ready to rise, as she begins to make ready for the day.
Without a need for words, Gracie teaches us so very much, in both Spirit and in Truth...
Like Grace abounding in total affection, given Freely, in the form of the diminutive, but Oh, so Great.
Such a Wonderful, Wonderful name for such a Little One full of wonder:
Created with All the Love and Care in the world; deserving of every possible human Affection, Provision, Beauty, Sacrifice...
And Oh, that you were able, like her earthly Father dropped from the most Colorful Rainbow of Heaven, so willing -- ever so Willing to say, "YES!"
To Provide her with the necessary Comforts that she deserves;
Without the least expectation for anything in return;
Just so that she could live her life in Happiness and in Bliss.
Her very own father, created just for her.
Nothing in return, oh, no!
...Except, that she please live her life forever with her Beloved:
Her Lifelong Companion and Precious Little Friend, her brother, Georgie.
Oh, Personified Grace; Life so short, but oh, so Precious, Beautiful.
Grievous lesson of Love indeed.
"Even when I yelled at her for picking on another cat, she just looked at me crossly for a minute or two."
LOL! : )
I'm terribly sorry it took me so long to respond, Mr. Muzika...I didn't realize you had written more after the first sentence because I went right into writing to you again after your initial response and didn't know there was more (I didn't scroll down).
To my surprise, I found more things about little Gracie that you were sharing and that are so important...
"I should have listened to my own intuition and not left her with the vet for an IV drip."
Yes, Dear Mr. Muzika, it is understandable...it must have been so difficult for you to leave your baby during such a critical time....
It is completely understandable that you felt completely helpless at that moment so that you needed the help of someone who was more objective and stronger to help you in whatever way that was possible...You were dealing with one of the more critical moments in Gracie's life, and all you knew was that you loved her.
"I wanted to take her home to die in peace with us. I knew that was what would happen. "
Yes...Something like Kitty Hospice...death in the comfort of your own home, where she would have passed on to the next life taking with her all the familiar voices, smells, and touch of her mommy and daddy...
"I just knew her and her physical state and that she was within 18 hours or so of going into a coma and all suffering would stop."
When my father died in a nursing home, rather than at home, I felt I should have known better simply because I felt I would have not wanted that for myself, so why should he have had to die in such a cold place away from the home where he wanted to be and missed so much.
Every death is extremely painful for the person that is forced to endure a complicated illness and suffering, and it is extremely painful for the person who loves the one having to endure the suffering. When they suffer, we suffer.
We feel helpless during their helplessness, and sometimes feel we want to do everything possible within reasonable means to provide them with a quality of life, and comfort care if it is available to us.
When time is ticking away that fast, Mr. Muzika, you want to act...do anything...do nothing...do something...Let them be; get a doctor. Take them home; leave them with someone who knows what they're doing...
All you know at the time is that you don't want your baby to suffer...and gosh, if you can just buy time, then everything will be ok...If you lose hope, you give up on her...She depends on you, and you can't give up; not now, not ever.
She needs you, and you need her. You can't bare the thought of losing her. Not now, not yet...please no. This is how it feels.
"The vet convinced me there was a chance to prolong her life another month or two. I felt what was the use, she'd just go through it again, weaker and older, but with additional weeks of illness."
Yes. Reason tells us this. The vet tried to give you hope...(and they often like to make their money, yes..). But putting all blame aside, we buy into the hope because sometimes that is all we have left.
Gracie's "mom" felt helpless too, and that is all she had to hold onto at the time, next to you.
It was an extremely difficult decision to leave her there for both of you, so Hope prevailed. That's all you had left, and Gracie didn't have much time.
It is so very like us to fall into blame when we lose someone. Why didn't we do this, or that; the shoulds and shouldn't have's...so much a part of the grieving. Even anger will set in at times.
It is all a part of the process...
Do be careful and be good to yourself. Talk to her when you feel angry. Tell her how you feel.
Tell her how you wish she could have died at home and how you wish you had been so much stronger-- held onto the foreknowledge and intuition you had when you felt she was going to leave soon. That you would have wished that it never had to be that way and that you wished she never had gone through the illness she suffered, and that there was really nothing you could do because you are only human and that all you know is that you love her.
Tell her her mommy loves her and that she is grieving....that she loved he so much that she was willing to take that chance that she would leave while she was at the hospital and not at home.
Tell her that you so wish you could have been able to make it all disappear and make it all go away...but that you can't.
We're living in a human world, and we are not magicians, were not saints, were not oracle readers, or healers, inasmuch as we try.
Were just not perfect, darn it. And darn it all that there has to be so much pain and suffering in this imperfect world.
All we know is that we love and we grieve, always with a sense of gnawing in the pit of our stomach that "there could have been something better; and I could have done better."
But we need to heal too...Mommy and Daddy...the rest of the babies need you..both of you. They don't have much time left either...
If and when there is a next opportunity to make a different decision, you will...and then you will know whether that was the right decision...for your baby, for you, for mom....
It is always so difficult. Death is a crisis. You and mom had to endure a crisis situation together, and so did Gracie.
But with Grace comes Mercy, and Love, and Compassion. It is all Encompassing. That is who Gracie is...and she forgives you and loves you and her beautiful mom Kerima with all of her little heart...and she is looking at you right now, and saying...Daddy, don't swat at yourself too much because I love you, and if you do that too often, I'm just going to have to look at you with that favorite cross-eyed look you love so much...remember?
...Now where's that Georgie so that I can swat him too?!
Oh, oh...here comes my dad. But I love him sooooo much I forget to even hiss...not even a sratch...
And my mom...she has such a beautiful, beautiful name. I'm telling all the angels about her and how she never wanted to give up on me so much that she was willing to take that risk that I would leave while I was at the hospital. I know she couldn't have taken it though....dying at home, I mean. Anywhere for that matter. They loved me too much to let me go...anywhere. I couldn't even go outside! Or did I? Well, now, I've got all this new territory! Yeah! And Georgie isn't even around, so I get to swat at him from heaven and then I can run and hide and he won't even know what hit him. Boy this is fun! Wack! And my dad won't even know, unless he realllllly looks....
I love you daddy. I love you mom....
What a good kitty!
Such a joy.
How are you and your lovely wife doing, Mr. Muzika?
I'm thinking about you, and just thought I would let you know....
Hi Gracie...
It's through your grace that we can do things together, feel things together, bond and travel together sharing similar view points, travel together, even though we don't share the same passion on all issues.
We can differ and yet be one.
Gracie allows for the possibility of "Together Consciousness....." possible.
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